Allow me to share an inspiring conversation I had with a friend recently. She was at a crossroad of indecision. Does she opt for the safe, secure but slightly boring life trajectory or does she throw together a bag of impractical shoes, writing tools and crazy dreams and take off on the unknown adventure of a lifetime?
I knew instinctively the advice to offer my friend by what she left unsaid. There was hidden excitement in her words when she explored the possibility of a different kind of life. In comparison she spoke with a dull tone and feeling of defeat when she talked about what she ‘should’ do, the sensible option.
What makes a simple decision so hard
Logic
The first spanner in the works she mentioned was ‘Logic’. Ah logic, the science of the formal principals of reasoning and validity. Logic was telling her that if she stayed at her unfulfilling job and continued to work a second job after hours that was equally as dissatisfying but provided an income it would enable her to put some roots down in the form of a mortgage.
She is right about one thing, there is nothing more root binding than a big fat bank loan but I had to ask whether it was her dream house and life or if it was a ‘should do lest I seem abnormal’? I asked her to try and go beyond logic and find out what her heart and soul wanted. At this level, did she really desire the ‘normal life’ or did she crave something other, something extraordinary even?
Worrying about what others will think
The second dragon she was battling was ‘pissing people off’. My friend is a fiercely loyal, deeply passionate community member. While she is not deciding the fates of a partner and children, she does so much for other people, friends, family, co-workers and her community, that as soon as she dares to think of her own needs she is counter-faced with the long list of people she may potentially unsettle, disappoint or ‘piss off’.
Personally, I know a thing or two about ‘pissing people off’ and the best things in my life have only ever resorted from this course of action. I don’t recommend doing it for the adrenaline or the rebellious game of dare BUT I do highly recommend going deeper into the fears you have around this issue and getting real about those. Seek the guidance of a coach, therapist or a friend who is a great listener but I urge you to follow this fear trail until you discover what lies beneath.
It pays to dig deeper
Usually it’s our own reluctance to play bigger. Fear around success or failure or not being ‘enough’ tend to accumulate in a generic cover up of not wanting to rock the boat or stand up and ask that our needs be considered important. If this fear pertains to a particular individual or group of people in an area of your life then you may wish to take an objective view of the relationships at play.
The reality is, if you are holding back from being truly authentically YOU because of a fear of ‘pissing someone off’ then that someone is not supportive of who you really are. This begs the question of whether you are in a toxic relationship or work environment that does not support your strengths, gifts, dreams and desires.
Making decisions despite that fear almost always leads to good things. It’s only by practicing the act of deciding and moving on regardless that helps us alleviate the fear. If you are waiting for it to disappear you could be waiting a lifetime.
This is the kind of affirmative action that teaches you vital lessons and moves you on to great things, new adventures, relationships and work opportunities that fully support you.
I am so excited for this friend of mine, she ended our conversation by saying “I know what I need to do, I don’t know where it will lead but I’m not going to find out by sitting here worrying and trying to predict the future.”
Are you holding back in your life out of a fear of pissing someone off? I urge you to dive into this fear and stare it in the face, then weigh it up against what you really want and make your next move from there.