Finding Freedom in Forgiveness

I recently interviewed Ben Hawkes from the ‘Wake Up’ Podcast and it was such a fun conversation. You can take a listen HERE. Ben’s easy to listen to and goes deep but also has a great sense of humour. 

In Human Design, Ben is a splenic projector with the cross of tension and such a great example of someone whom once invited to share his passion and knowledge, just lights the space with enthusiasm. He is here to bring his warrior spirit and lifetimes of independence and leadership to provoke others into new ways of thinking and behaving that will help move humanity forward. 

Bringing light to the dark

One of the things Ben articulates really well is the following paradox. He knows that in order for humanity to move towards a state of connection and love it requires both a wake up to the darkness and evil that exists in the world and then an ability to forgive ourselves and the people who have unknowingly perpetrated it. 

In other words we can’t get to the good stuff by simply ‘love and lighting’ our way there. We need to dig up the deep, dark wounds of humanity and see, hear and feel it all. Then we know what we are working with and we can clean it up properly rather than simply throwing the rug back over it. 

We need to shed tears for the victims – contentious word I know because some believe there are no victims and every role played is a Soul’s choice. Spiritually speaking, this may be so and I don’t deny it. But when we are talking about innocent babies and children being abused by those who should be caring for and protecting them it’s extremely harsh to say ‘they chose that’. 

I prefer to hold space for both to be true – From a big picture perspective each Soul comes in with a role and a purpose but from a Planet Earth 3D reality point of view some of these dear Souls are victims of the crimes of others, they had no control and could not avoid their circumstances. Truth is full of paradoxes such as this. 

Why is forgiveness so damn hard sometimes 

Because being hurt, abused, traumatised, bullied and lied to hurts us on levels and layers so deep that it feels like we are scarred for life. Some of the memories I have of receiving a throw away comment from a parent or partner still sting when I think of it and it’s unpleasant. And verbal and psychological wounding is nothing compared to what some of us have been through. 

Once we acknowledge the sting, then come the stories we tell ourselves. And these can hurt us even more. And why should I forgive, after all THEY hurt me. 

While this is correct, ‘they’ in most cases, will not be capable of apologising, soothing or mending the wounds you feel. In some cases ‘they’ had no idea they caused you such great harm. In other cases ‘they’ have a psychopathic illness or mental condition of some kind where there is no capacity for empathy. 

Here’s the real kicker, maintaining the position that ‘they’ hurt you and are therefore responsible for how you feel gives them the power. You’ve handed over the responsibility for how you feel and how your life is to another, an outside authority. 

And from here, deep healing and forgiveness is not possible because it’s reliant on what the other does or does not do. The answer, is that we need to reclaim full responsibility for our own healing and when we do this, we change the trajectory of our lives. 

How to forgive, starting with forgiveness of self

Forgiveness starts with forgiving and loving ourselves. Accepting and loving the part of us that was hurt. The child who had no say in the situation, the young adult who made a poor choice or the wounded self who lacked self-worth and confidence to say no, to leave the situation or to fight back. 

Once we’ve come to a healed place within ourselves it’s possible to extend that outwards to those who hurt us. This in no way condones or makes acceptable the crimes or abuse of others but we need to separate out accountability and justice for wrong action from healing ourselves so that we can take back our power. 

Forgiving doesn’t have to mean letting the perpetrators off the hook but it does mean softening our hearts to allow us to rise to power again and justice to be served in a way that aligns more with Universal law than our own fear, hatred or vengefulness. Otherwise we simply stay in lower vibrational states and cease to evolve as we are being pushed to do right now into higher states of consciousness. 

In the episode with Ben, he articulates this beautifully in the following snippet;

“We have to ask ourselves, what kind of world do we want after this? And if we want one that is good and just then we have to learn to forgive.” (Ben Hawkes)